MARRIAGE LINES

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?

Dumas


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud


'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous


'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

James Holt McGavran, Sr.


'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

Sam Kineston


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Ogden Nash


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous
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BUBBA AND COOTER PICK-UP LINES

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up