Modern Day Noah

(Ain't this the truth)
And the Lord spoke to Noah & said: "In six months I'm going to
make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water & all the
evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people,
and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering
you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning he delivered
the specifications for the Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear
and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better
have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain
began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard,
weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where
is my Ark?" A lighting bolt crashed to the ground next to Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there
were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So i had to
hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over
whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors
objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my
front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning
commission.
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because
there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to
convince U.S.Fish and Wildlife that I needed wood to save the owls.
But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So no owls. Then the
carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone
would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going
on the boat and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals,
and got sued by animal rights group. They objected to me taking
only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA
notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They
didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the
conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers
wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians
I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming
I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just
got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I
really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five
years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched
across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not
going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.
No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has".
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