THINGS A TEXAN WILL NEVER SAY

Things You'll Never Hear a Texan Say:
* I don't have a favorite college team.
* We don't keep firearms in this house.
* Checkmate!
* Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
* You can't feed that to the dog
* I thought Graceland was tacky.
* No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
* Wrasslin's fake.
* Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
* We're vegetarians.
* Do you think my hair is too big?
* I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy
* Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.
* Who's Richard Petty?
* Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds
* Deer heads detract from the decor.
* Spitting is such a nasty habit.
* I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
* Trim the fat off that steak.
* Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
* The tires on that truck are too big.
* I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
* I've got it all on a floppy disk.
* Unsweetened tea tastes better.
* Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
* My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
* I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
* Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
* She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
* Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
* Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" we haven't seen.
* Hey, here's an episode of "Dukes of Hazard" we haven't seen.
* I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
* Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
* Elvis who?
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