MAKING A BABY

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children
and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive,Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye
and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should
be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer.
'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my
specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing,
'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps
a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
room floor is fun. You can really spread out
there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take
his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it!' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping
at her throat.' And these twins turned out
exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
to the park to get the job done right. People
were crowding around four and five deep
to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her
eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for
more than three hours, too. The mother
was constantly squealing and yelling - I
could hardly concentrate,and when
darkness approached I had to rush my
shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just had to
pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean
they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.... Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work
right away.'
'Tripod?''Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a
tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs.Smith fainted....
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