BASHING.....

Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Behind every great man is a woman telling him he's ignoring her.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called Wedding Cake.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted.
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
Forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Why do they call it PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs or your meat but you just can't beat a blowjob.

Did you hear about the new shoe Nike is making for lesbians?
The tongue is twice as long and it will only need one finger to get it off.

How do you tell that you have a high sperm count?
Your date has to chew before she swallows.

How can you tell when a woman is having an orgasm?
Who cares?

The fastest way to discover all your bad habits is to get married

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was nearly impossible.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.