LIVING WILL

MY LIVING WILL:
Last night, my friend and I were sitting
in the living room and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids
from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug.'
She got up, unplugged the Computer,
and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.....
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BULLS AND MEN

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .You could learn a lot from him.' We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
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Public Blog

PUBLIC DISCLAIMER NOTICE:
this "Blog" is for entertainment
purposes only.

DARN SQUIRRELS

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?
"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh.... Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said,pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here!"
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed
"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied -- "Check for squirrels!!"
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HITTING THE LOTTERY, GOLF, ETC....

A woman came home, screeching her car into
the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the
top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should
I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out!!'
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his
wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything
you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.....
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to
apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight
test. The optician showed him a card with the
letters "C Z W I X N O S T A C Z".
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied -- 'I know
that guy!!'
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INSTRUCTIONS

God Said, Adam I Want you to do something
for me.'
Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want
me to do?'
God said, 'Go down into that valley.'
Adam said, 'What's a valley?'
God explained it to him. Then God said,
'Cross the river.'
Adam said, 'What's a river?'
God explained that to him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill.......'
Adam said, 'What is a hill?'
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill
you will find a cave.'
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'!
After God explained, he said, 'In the cave
you will find a Woman.'
Adam said, 'What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him, too. Then,
God said, 'I want you to reproduce.'
Adam said, 'How do I do that?'
God first said (under his breath), 'Geez.....'
and then, just like everything else, God
explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across
the river, and over the hill, into the cave,
and finds the woman. Then, in about five
minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily,
'What is it NOW?'
And Adam said
(* * YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!!* *)
'What's a headache?
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GROWING UP

Little Sally came home from school with
a smile on her face and told her mother
'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie
today!'

Before the mother could raise a concern,
Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of
a peanut.'

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom
asked, 'Really small, was it?'

Sally replied, 'No...salty!!'
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