VIRUS ALERT

I just thought you may need to know about these......
be on the lookout for these new computer viruses:

Lorena Bobbit Virus
turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy

Woody Allen Virus
bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card

Tonya Harding Virus
turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

Paul Revere Virus
warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:..

Ronald Reagan Virus
saves your data, but forgets where it's stored

Oprah Winfrey virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands to 300MB

AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for
the AT&T virus

Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."

Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn
thing quits

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back

Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine

Federal Bureaucrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which
does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part of your computer

Congressional Virus 1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

Congressional Virus 2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow
the user to accomplish anything

Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes
very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive

PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

Jimmy Hoffa Virus
Your programs can never be found again

LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases
them in "self-defense."

O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your
files and vows to find the virus that did it.
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