LAWS OF LIFE

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

& Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands
become coated with grease, your nose will begin
to itch and you'll have to pee.
& Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will
roll to the least accessible corner.
& Law of Probability -The probability of being
watched is directly proportional to the stupidity
of your act.
& Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong
number, you never get a busy signal and someone
always answers.
& Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were
late for work because you had a flat tire, the very
next morning you will have a flat tire.
& Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic
lanes), the one you were in will always move
aster than the one you are in now (works
every time).
& Law of the Bath - When the body is fully
immersed in water, the telephone rings.
& Law of Close Encounters-The probability of
meeting someone you know increases
dramatically when you are with someone you
don't want to be seen with.
& Law of the Result -When you try to prove to
someone that a machine won't work, it will.
& Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch
is inversely proportional to the reach.
& Law of the Theater - At any event, the people
whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive
last.
& The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down
to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
do something which will last until the coffee
is cold.
& Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only
two people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent lockers.
& Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an
open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on
a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
& Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible
if you don't know what you are talking about.
& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the
clothes fit, they're ugly.
& Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed
mouth gathers no feet.
& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing
Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you
really like, they will stop making it.
& Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an
appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you
get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick.
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