TEACHER COMMENTS

These are actual comments made on students'
report cards by teachers in the New York City
public school system. All teachers were
reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!
1. Since my last report, your child has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village some where
of an 'idiot'. (call hillary)
5. Your son sets low personal standards, and
then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks
the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too
much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she
should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing,
but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd
have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that
created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is
definitely dead!

These 16 Police Comments were taken off
actual police car videos around the country
13. "You know, stop lights don't come any
redder than the one you just went through."
14. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because
they're new. They stretch after awhile."
15. "If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document."
16. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
17. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per
second? Because that's the speed of the
bullet that'll be chasing you."
18. "You don't know how fast you were
going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
19. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift
supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"
20. "Warning! You want a warning? OK.,
I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll
give you another ticket."
21. "The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
22. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair
is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat
cotton candy and corn dogs and step in
monkey poop."
23. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven ."
24. "In God we trust, all others we run through
NCIC."
25. "How big were those 'two beers' you say
you had?"
26. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to, but now we're allowed to write
as many tickets as we can."
27. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police)
is a personal friend of yours. So you know
someone who can post your bail.

AND THE WINNER IS....

28. "You didn't think we give pretty women
tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here!!"
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