THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think
before you speak - - the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you
could immediately take the words back...or
that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who
did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:I walked into a hair salon
with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly,"How much do you charge for a
shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and
never went back.My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store
comparing different kinds of golf balls.I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help
me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:My sister and I were at the
mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of
candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked
if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day,my sister
has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank
one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now"
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked
me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's
pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange.Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:Have you ever asked your
child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at
Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.
It was ver y busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-
old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said," Danny, are you SURE you didn't
have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE, MOM! IT'S JUST FARTS!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down. An old couple made me
feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan
laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed
female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised
me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too -- they were
laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? And remember we
all say things we don't really mean, so think
before you speak!!
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